Of Heartaches and Joy
"I don't know why you weren't talking to me, Matt" Amy said as she broke out into a fit of crying at the other end of the phone.
"You spoke to everyone and you just ignored me" she said sobbing uncontrollably. "Do you know how difficult it is for me to come to terms with that?"
Matt was taken aback by the thought of her crying and said "Now Amy i'm really sorry i didn't mean to hurt you so much, you know that don't you? It's just that all these things happening now. I just couldn't come to terms with the fact that you were actually seeing someone else and i really didn't know how to react."
"I know Matt, but you think its easy on my part? I was so heartbroken when you just completely chose to ignore me. Haven't we been friends longer than i even know him? It's just too hard for me and i have to make choices too you know" She said in an almost yearning voice of that of a little girl. Matt just melted, he was never good at putting a harsh front anyway because he knew it would wear off at the slightest hint of pain when he saw it.
"Amy, I am really very sorry please don't cry it's just that i've harboured so many feelings for you and then one day i see your dating someone else. I was bound to get shocked and shattered."
"True Matt, but i really can't convince my heart, besides we'll always be the way we were! It's better being friends you know.. that way i'll never lose you!" Even though that made practical sense. Matt knew it was just a pacifying statement he didn't want to be "Just friends" with her. He adored her lots and knew she was aware of that. He longed to sing her lovely songs, to be there for her when things went wrong. He longed to cuddle up with her and live the intimacy of it all, he wanted to simply give her the best time of her life. They had known each other for almost two years now, yet Matt was sure there was something lacking in how he expressed his feelings because Amy would never know his true feelings for her. Maybe Amy knew, but there was more probablity she didn't and he cursed himself for having not expressed his feelings freely.
He spoke again with a determined and forced tone of good being "Amy, you know what it was very stupid of me to have reacted that way. And please don't cry because i really can't see you cry. I just want you to be happy and since you've made a choice, i know you will be very happy with Tom" He couldn't speak more because his heart was very heavy.
"I didn't mean to cry Matt its just that i was torn between apparent happiness and sadness of having to lose a friend like you" The words pricked Matt yet he was determined to set things right. "Of course Amy, i thought i'd lose you too, Now since your all standing on the thresholds of love and all that. I wish you all the hapiness and joy." He said as he almost smiled out of his grief at the thought of her actually being happy. He really cared for her and maybe he thought, just maybe that he may have loved her though he'd never really acknowledged that.
Amy almost seemed to read his mind from within the silence and not wanting to probe any further said "Thank you so much for understanding Matt you've been such a good friend. We'll always be friends."
"Sure Amy, Goodnight" Matt hung up with her last words pricking him deeply. But he knew, they both knew, that things would never be the same again. As Matt lay in his bed on that cruel moonlit night remembering all the good times and almost cried. For if sadness engulfed this part of the moonlit town, happiness danced and made merry in the other. As he wished her all the goodness from his heavy, broken heart and drifted off to a healing sleep.
"You spoke to everyone and you just ignored me" she said sobbing uncontrollably. "Do you know how difficult it is for me to come to terms with that?"
Matt was taken aback by the thought of her crying and said "Now Amy i'm really sorry i didn't mean to hurt you so much, you know that don't you? It's just that all these things happening now. I just couldn't come to terms with the fact that you were actually seeing someone else and i really didn't know how to react."
"I know Matt, but you think its easy on my part? I was so heartbroken when you just completely chose to ignore me. Haven't we been friends longer than i even know him? It's just too hard for me and i have to make choices too you know" She said in an almost yearning voice of that of a little girl. Matt just melted, he was never good at putting a harsh front anyway because he knew it would wear off at the slightest hint of pain when he saw it.
"Amy, I am really very sorry please don't cry it's just that i've harboured so many feelings for you and then one day i see your dating someone else. I was bound to get shocked and shattered."
"True Matt, but i really can't convince my heart, besides we'll always be the way we were! It's better being friends you know.. that way i'll never lose you!" Even though that made practical sense. Matt knew it was just a pacifying statement he didn't want to be "Just friends" with her. He adored her lots and knew she was aware of that. He longed to sing her lovely songs, to be there for her when things went wrong. He longed to cuddle up with her and live the intimacy of it all, he wanted to simply give her the best time of her life. They had known each other for almost two years now, yet Matt was sure there was something lacking in how he expressed his feelings because Amy would never know his true feelings for her. Maybe Amy knew, but there was more probablity she didn't and he cursed himself for having not expressed his feelings freely.
He spoke again with a determined and forced tone of good being "Amy, you know what it was very stupid of me to have reacted that way. And please don't cry because i really can't see you cry. I just want you to be happy and since you've made a choice, i know you will be very happy with Tom" He couldn't speak more because his heart was very heavy.
"I didn't mean to cry Matt its just that i was torn between apparent happiness and sadness of having to lose a friend like you" The words pricked Matt yet he was determined to set things right. "Of course Amy, i thought i'd lose you too, Now since your all standing on the thresholds of love and all that. I wish you all the hapiness and joy." He said as he almost smiled out of his grief at the thought of her actually being happy. He really cared for her and maybe he thought, just maybe that he may have loved her though he'd never really acknowledged that.
Amy almost seemed to read his mind from within the silence and not wanting to probe any further said "Thank you so much for understanding Matt you've been such a good friend. We'll always be friends."
"Sure Amy, Goodnight" Matt hung up with her last words pricking him deeply. But he knew, they both knew, that things would never be the same again. As Matt lay in his bed on that cruel moonlit night remembering all the good times and almost cried. For if sadness engulfed this part of the moonlit town, happiness danced and made merry in the other. As he wished her all the goodness from his heavy, broken heart and drifted off to a healing sleep.
This entry was posted
on Friday, February 24, 2006 at 03:19.
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